Suicides: A failing that needs identification
Two days ago a young man, Hashir Munawer, committed suicide on Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS) campus in Lahore. The news took the entire student fraternity by shock and depression lamenting the sad incident. But opinions were still varied regarding a few decisions and their dire consequences.
A few are of the opinion that no one with complete information about the case should speak or discuss the issue. To some extent they are right, considering it is a sensitive issue and sensitives will be involved. But till when will we stay quiet and see our youth take their own lives? Till when will we stay quiet and see this social circus play it’s games on the people that it lives off?
I think it is time to air thoughts and opinions regarding the issue so that further incidents like this can be avoided. Let’s discuss the parties that were involved one by one:
Hashir Munawar:
From what I’ve read. He seemed like a nice chap. Happy, optimistic, ambitious and creative. OK, he might not be a valedictorian, but no one except a few nerds are. And it is people like Hashir that become the basis of those self-righteous toppers who get away with such high GPAs. But are they responsible for his fatal decision. I think not.
But if in a system where grades are given according to one’s standing in the class at the end of a term, there is bound to one or two Hashirs’ that are always getting Ds or Cs or Fs. There is just no way that people can avoid this. It has to be one of them.
Having that said, Hashir still had a lot on his plate and he could have not made the decision of committing suicide. I have been there, I have seen how it feels like to be pushed to the edge and asked to pick up yourself from whatever bits and pieces one can find, but you have to do it. There is no way around it…! Hashir, may you find solace, and peace, Amen.
The School and the Faculty:
LUMS is a highly regarded institute with credible faculty collected from all over the world. They are in the know of teaching techniques and problems people face when building the very foundation of their career. There are questions that need to be answered, the students are clueless about their future, their jobs, their expectations, the are basically babies who need care and guidance to help them keep every step. Where every step means a lot of effort and improvisation.
LUMS happens to one of the most expensive schools in the country, charging around Rs. 3 Lakh, or Rs. 0.3 Million a year. With inflation on the rise, and growing expectations, this amount of money will literally make families go bankrupt. But if the institute guarantees good facilities for students to live in, it sort of justifies it all. But wait a minute…! If they charge so much for their education, then why wasn’t Hashir given proper guidance and why wasn’t his suicidal case detected before hand? I presume his friends, teachers and hostel mates might have detected his changing behaviour, and if not them, at least there should be some psychiatrist on the campus that could have offered theraphy? Was there one…? If yes then why wasn’t the case detected… If not? Then what the fuck are they charging so much for their education?
Do these parents send their children over to LUMS to become suicidal cases and kill themselves?
A lot of the times self-righteous faculty and staff push the student into a corner with their rudeness and indifference. And I am sure he must have faced a lot of that, too. Their uncaring, unhelpful, and unapproachable demeanor leaves the student to do nothing but sulk and loath himself. This is very common in Pakistan
Hashir was a final year student. The policy regarding the minimum required GPA after a term on Probation was abruptly changed which caused them to remove him from his program. In other words he was being expelled. In final year, he was being taken out of the program when he had already spent a few terms over. Isn’t that cruel? Didn’t his advisers advise him before or plea his case so that he might have been given a waiver? In all honesty, LUMS undergraduate is not the end of the world and both the students and teachers should know that. What is at stake? An innocent young life or an already bloated repute of an institute that is might be considered barely average according to world standards?!?!
The Parents:
A lot of the times we overlook the fact that some decisions in one’s life are taken in the ‘best interest’ of the kid by their parents. These decisions are then what the children have to live through. Or more appropriately, suffer through.
Did the parents actually research their child’s case well enough before sending him to LUMS if he had any sort of aptitude problem with the institute policies or programs. Because most of the times students are unable to cope with studies just because they don’t find it interesting enough. Or the method of instruction is too boring. Did Hashir even like what he was studying?
At this point, some people say that apart from good career counseling the parents are also responsible for the child’s psychological counseling and needs. They should have a close eye on him, his studies, and his seriousness. This is where I have to say, you are taking this a bit too far. LUMS is a semi residential type university and Hashir was living on campus. He was away from his home, and probably homesickness propounded his case, too. His parents would not have been able to keep a close eye on him on a daily basis who were already paying for is younger brother who was also in his final year. Having that said, his parents had entrusted the institute to take care of the child and his wellbeing, psychological care included. While the institutes are first to ask such heavy amounts of fee, they should also make sure there is appropriate medical and clinical care on the ready for such cases.
However it is a common trait amongst parents to keep pushing their children to get higher grades and better results which keeps on piling pressure on the child and in turn they try to associate success and failure of life with what was asked of them to achieve. Where the parents too pushy on the child to ‘go to LUMS’ and ‘get good grades’?
Friends, environment and Hostelmates:
Hashir was graduating one year behind his normal plan. His good friends might have already left the school. But I bet he would have made a few more who knew his case. The least they could have done is offered him a shoulder to cry on. Even that helps a lot. But to what extent? You never know.
The environment at LUMS, as I saw it over the years, had been deteriorating rapidly. Flashy gadgets, designer wear and imported cars were found more common lately, as a new class of super rich kids made it to the LUMS classes. All this gives way to vices like jealousy, envy and pride. I am sure there are a multiple cases of have-nots cursing their economic conditions and not having that dashing car their friends ride to school. Not that I am against it, but the men and women alike at LUMS, pride themselves at being ‘liberal’ and open-minded. What sort of a mind Hashir had, I have no clue. What hints he took from all this around him, I have no clue.
No one has any clue and Hashir’s death is the failure of many organs of a society all at once. Yet I believe the entity that is the most responsible in this case is the institute upon whom the education and guidance of this young mind was entrusted, paid for, yet still it bore no fruit. While they can be at the forefront of protesting all that is going outside, as lawyers and social scientists, I think they could have done a little more to help his case.
While the decision to take his life was all his own, Hashir didn’t know he was going to a point of no return; psychologically, or physically.
Hashir, my fellow fallen comrade, I never knew you, and I never will, but I sincerely wish you are living in a castle in Allah’s Heaven! Amen.
Peace bro 
May his soul rest in peace (Amen)
Fauzan
April 25, 2008 at 9:09 am
It is sad really, the fact that a young man was forced to commit suicide. Who ever said that its a cowards way out, had no idea how difficult it is to take your own life. To know, to be absolutely sure that things will NOT get better. That the future holds nothing but shattered dreams, pieces of which you will never be able to collect…
I have read a number of articles on the possible reasons for his death, I just feel that one party is not responsible for his death. Its a combination of all.
Sana Ahmad
April 25, 2008 at 9:47 am
I feel diagonally parked. On one hand, I see it as a tragic incident for which I hold responsible firstly the institution, then friends and then his family. btw Hashir had a brother in the same institute.
On the other hand I feel Hashir missed the point and purpose of life.. We all take pressures, and we deal with them.. In a way, not dealing with some pressures is also a way of dealing with them.. Once you enter the job market, theres far more pressure, possibilities of failure and humiliation.. People don’t just quit! they keep on fighting.. Keep on moving… There are others we have to live for.. Hashir’s act was selfish cause he only saw a way out for himself.. And if he thought his family would be better off without him, thats just plain childish!!!
I am deeply saddened.. Plz pray for Hashir.. May Allah grant solace to his family.
FaZ
April 25, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Hashir passed out through st. Patrick’s High O and A’levels…HIs old principal Mrs. Henderson remembers him and grieves this sad loss. It is now time for us educationists to put our heads together and try to find out why we refuse to let all our students flourish, without the PAss/fail threat hanging over them. The obsession with A grades, GPA/CGPAs must always be sustained for we fear without it educationn in Pakistan will fall even further….perhaps our fellow Japanese educationists could help us overcome this terrible impasse, so that we can all say that Hashir Munawer’s passing was not in vain! I didnt now Hashir, but he is like a brother….nevermore, nevermore, O God almighty, nevermore!
will henderson
April 25, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Will Henderson, My feeling resonate with yours. There needs to be a solution out of this. Why does the education system which includes overly ambitious parents keep pushing students who have no counseling what so ever to these limits.
Like FaZ I think if he had the proper guidance, from the society he lived and breathed in, he might have known that LUMS was not the end of the world, and that he might have had other viable opportunities.
But then honestly, does our society really cater for the failing members? Do our people support people are failing? Does our society really want to face failure and failures?
Phil
April 25, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Students tend to forget that those 4 years are some of the most memorable of your lives – don’t regret having spent them just drowned in books. Chances are you’re gonna want to learn just as much within a classroom as you do outside of it. Partying/chilling isn’t a sin – it helps relieve stress! And stress doesn’t help anything… It’s ok to have ups and downs, and it’s definitely ok not to be in the top 3 of your class. Cut yourself a little slack and things do eventually fall into place. Even if life’s downs may want to just make you run away from it all, taking your own life should certainly not be in the cards. Suicide is an easy-out, and it should never be the way out. Life has been given to us as a gift, and gifts should never be turned away; they should be cherished and valued and taken care of.
Who can we point fingers at? Was it the victim himself? Or his friends who couldn’t provide him the support he needed? Or are the institution’s policies too harsh? Can we blame his parents for pressurizing their child with extremely high expectations? Or is it the society, which shuns away any hint of remotely ‘abnormal’ behavior and instead of providing a stable network of support resources for the emotionally instable, further demoralizes and stigmatizes them? The real question is, is there a possibility that the blame rests on our shoulders? After all, each and every one of us is as much a part of this society as this young student was, and we are all equally responsible for shaping the norms, expectations and behaviors of the environment we live in.
Let us be reminded that these are some of the harsh realities of life – don’t waste time thinking ‘wow, i never thought it would happen to me’, because life is as unpredictable as unpredictable gets and chances are, what you least expect can come knocking on your door. The person next to you is just as likely to be suffering from a severe mental illness as someone sitting in a mental institution. There is nothing wrong with having problems, the key is to have flexible, non discriminatory policies and sufficient coping resources to guide us through them.
May we all learn from this lesson. I pray and hope that all those who have been affected by this event find their peace.
shazmeen
April 25, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Hashir was my cousin.Words cant even describe the pain we’r going through due to his demise.i miss him,we all miss him.But i want u all to pray to Allah to forgive him for this mistake of his,and to give his parents and siblings the strength to fight the misery of his loss.
Hashir was a very sensible and humble guy.He was infact the most sensible child in his family.Alot of people think that he was’nt a good student because he ended up stayin behind his friends…but the fact is,that he had to miss 6 months of his 4 year program due to his ill health.he was suffering from arthiritis.And yet he was a fighter….even though he was ill,he still managed to come this far.
The mental trauma he went through on finding out that he was terminated just 2 months from his graduation(that too because of some new rule,which logically should not be applied to his batch),only God knows what he went through.Hanging yourself to death needs alot of courage…i just wish he used that courage to face this world instead.
We loved him … and we still do…and even though live goes on,he will always have a special place in our hearts.
sidhra
April 26, 2008 at 12:29 am
Very heartfelt sidhra….I condole with you.
Sorry Hashir had to go this way. MAybe no teacher ever had the opportunity to tell him that grades are not the be all and end all..
I find it a bit strange when people say ask God to forgive him this sin of suicide…Do so many Pakistanis consider God this officious being witha lightning rod , ready to samck down those who stray from the path? Christianity too declares suicide as sinful, but God Id like to believe is a benevolent being, who understands all things. For HEAVEN’S SAKE, Hashir’s fate was writtten in the book at the beginning of time. I fully believes that life moves in circles and cycles…he didnt make it this time around, but somehow, somewhere I sense he will make a difference, if not in his own family’s life, where hopefully all will be cherished a bit more, then in the larger world where someones else contemplates suicide. I say go suicide watch helplines…PAKISTAN CERTAINLY NEEDS SOME!
I now will repost a small poem i wrote in tribute to Hashir..
THIS IS FOR HASHIR: A SMALL, INADEQUATE TRIBUTE:
A child has died, thus ends his life,
Never shall he know fatherhood, n’er wife,
I see his face, still asmile,
And I’d like to say,
Pray, tarry awhile,
But I know that life goes on,
And as death is but a part of life,
It must be accepted, it must lay strife,
So goodbye, Hashir, goodbye dear boy,
Now you will only know freedom, now face you eternal joy!
YOU ARE THE LEADER LUMS COULD NEVER MAKE YOU…..BY YOUR DEATH YOU WILL SAVE OTHERS LIVES!!
A small, inadeqaute tribute to someone I knew not,
but know, Hashir, Never, nev’r, nev’r will you be forgot.
For
Hashir Munawer,
LUMS Would-be Graduate Class of 2008.
Eternal Peace Grant unto them, o Lord,….
And may Your perpetual light shine upon Hashir.
will henderson
April 26, 2008 at 6:19 am
May Allah forgive him and give him place in paradise.
It certainly is a very tragic incident for LUMS community and it will raise many question. However, i don’t agree with the spirit of this article. Educational institutes dont charge high prices to monitor student behavior or hiring psychiatrists. LUMS is an expensive institute because they hire expensive people and like any other private identity they are making money. Such tragic and sad incidents happen in every top universities in the world. I have seen a student jumping from 5th floor of the library in one of top universities in UK, nobody blamed university for that. Their job is to provide education and categorize the students. I will not be too hard on LUMS. Most of the times it is pressure from families that force students to take such action. Having said that, it does not mean that teachers have no role to play, of course teachers should be able to judge students state of mind before anybody else.
Ozan
April 27, 2008 at 9:10 am
wise words, Ozan…i agree..parents, teatchers, educationists must come together…even th big and lil Harvards are prone to student suicide…..to clarify, i was not dissing LUMS in my comment…i for one feel it a lovely plce of learning and will withstand this trial too…justa shame hashir’s life was lost
will henderson
April 27, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I don’t know why but when I evaluate the teacher-parent relationship in Pakistan, it is sadly that like of a bad marriage. The institutes hardly address the parents about the troubles their children are going through.
Primarily because it is considered a weakness on the child’s part and a failure of the institute. But that should still not be a reason for the institute to address parents as soon as possible they notice some warning signs.
And more over, they, the institute is responsible for not piling pressure on the child regardless of the pressures. Additionally they should provide support systems that help the students come out of dark holes like that.
Great poen Will, and I agree with both Ozan and Will and their ideas.
Phil
April 27, 2008 at 9:12 pm
suicide here seems the only prayer cuming true.i am going thru the same nightmare.
aza23
May 4, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Honestly speaking, my heart goes out to Hashir and his family, friends. I know what it feels like to struggle academically and watching everyone around you doing well in studies and having active social life even when they also end up rote learning, cramming at the last minute. I think everyone has a role to play, the university, your family, friends, peers.
I believe depression is inevitable in college because of the amount of competition for grades, positions. Speaking from personal experience, your poor academic performance despite your best intentions is one thing, but to see everyone else doing well around you make your self esteem and sense of belonging go down even worse. But what really becomes the limit when the same bright students who are doing well around you show an arrogant attitude towards you, offer no moral support at all, offer no help, guidance to your academics. I understand it is not possible for every student to help another but atleast dont show attitude, be a little humble and dont be over proud of your excellent academic grades and feel that it makes you better than him.
Second, i think every institution should have mandatory student counsellors. There should be different type of counsellors, academic counsellors and pyschological counsellors. Students should be required to meet with them as frequently as possible and all discussions should be confidential. I believe with this system in place, such incidents can be minimized and avoided in the future.
Third, Family. Although it would be wrong to point all the fingers at his family, at this time i am convinced they must be going through a very very terrible period. But i believe for every student Family support is so crucial, Just watch the Film “Tare Zameen Par”. I believe this film should be advertised shown to every family, school, college. I have never been academically successful in my life, i have gone through really difficult phases, periods in which i had real doubts about my ability to succeed at the highest level, but i am most grateful for the most wonderful family support i had. My parents have always been proud of me irrespective of my grades, sure they would be dissapointed but they never behave as if its the end of the world for me, likewise i am aware of my responsibilities and always try my best.
I think everyone should be involved, family support is crucial, friends are irreplacable and you always need to talk about all your problems, never keep any problem hidden, it just becomes uncontrollable, you can learn so much from the other person around you, Fellow students and peers especially bright should get rid of their superiority attitude and their selfish concern for their own grades only ( I am sorry but i have very little respect for people who are brilliant in studies but make fun of people who arent so academically gifted and refuse or show no interest in helping them, this is what differentitates a person who is brilliant in studies and a person who is a good human beeing with a good heart). Finally Universities in my view should develop a little bit of empathy as well, administrations should have open door policies for students, so called rules and regulations should become practicing tools for dictatorship.
May Allah grant Hashir’s eternal peace to Hashir’s soul and forgive him, and may Allah also grant Hashir’s family the strength to overcome this grief. In my view, this is a hidden but a seriously developing issue. Grades should certainly not be everything in life.
Firaas
May 7, 2008 at 10:36 pm
“so called rules and regulations should not become practicing tools for dictatorship” Sorry edited my mistake
Firaas
May 7, 2008 at 10:39 pm
@ Aza23, you just need to phase-out a little. Stop doing whatever you are doing and take a day off or something. Sleep a little and take your tensions off. Talk to someone who can understand you and doesn’t shove his or her own thoughts over yours. Vent some anger, get a blog, LIKE ME
Cheer up.
@ Firaaz, nice write up Firaaz. Thanks for the comment.
Phil
May 12, 2008 at 8:00 pm
All of you should also read the motto of my Blog. It’s at the very top and I’ll write it again;
Philosophy of a century is the common sense of the next.
As Rafiki said to Simba in The Lion King, “If you can’t learn from your past mistakes, forget them.” Or something to the same theme. But the moral being, humans can learn to correct their ways and God has a thousand more paths open for them to tread and achieve glory.
The very glory Allama Iqbal talked about; and God likes.
Phil
May 12, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I just found out, a friend told me.. im still in shock.. Hashir and I were in the same class back in school.. infact, we were good friends and I left school sometime later and we lost contact.
I always remembered Hashir, he was a great guy! fun loving but took his studies seriously… and obviously he was a great friend.
I always KNEW and always told myself.. Hashir Munawer would make it real big.. he had it in him.. almost as if he was supposed to..
Allah knows better what Hashir was thinking or going through. All i can say is.. what a way for it to end..
Miss you bro!.. Wish we were in touch.
May Allah Give You a Place in His Closest Heavens. May Allah forgive all that you did. May Allah give your family the patience to bear with this loss. Aameen.
Fahd Schaffy
July 28, 2008 at 4:15 am